Ijuuin and his Big Brave Balls of Steel
by Penelope Loc
Summary: We all know this lovable mangaka, Pedo- I mean Kyo Ijuuin. He's the bravest guy in the whole story. After all, he hits on poor Misaki against Usami Akihiko's wishes, didn't he? So, how did he managed do that? With his big, brave balls of steel, of course! (Why didn't anyone suspect that this whole time?) Bonus points for anyone who can see the reference to a superhero!


Okay, maybe the title was not the most subtle.

Obviously, this fan-fiction would be about Ijuuin and his big brave balls of steel. Now you're probably asking "you shitty author, what's the point of this fan-fiction then?" I'll tell you, on the condition that you read on.

Now are you ready?

Ijuuin, from Junjou Romantica, has a very, well, interesting character. Known by many names, including Sensei, the maker of 'The Kan', and more harshly, 'Pedojuuin', Ijuuin is a mangaka that fell for a innocent, straightforward young man by the name of Takahashi Misaki. Other than the fact that he's at least 10 years older, and that the latter does not love him in a sexual way, there's one really big Problem, and it's Usami, who happens to scare the literal shit out of most people. So how does he stand up to the scariest book-writer in all of Junjou?

It's his big, brave balls of steel.

You've heard me correctly. Ijuuin has literal big, brave balls of steel. You see, at a young age, Ijuuin was a shrimp, and clearly, one of the wimpiest kids in the hood. So wimpy, that there was clearly something wrong. So he went to a doctor. The doctor said that he had a severe case of Beta Male Syndrome, and suggested surgery for it, which is often only used as last resort, due to its artificial, extreme effects. So what exactly did they alter? His balls of course! They gave Ijuuin big, brave balls of steel that acts as an electromagnet to ensure that the fragments of wimpiness don't stab his nether regions, as so to prevent him from having Walking Wimp Syndrome. To top it off, it gives him super Alpha Male Powers, that activate every time he needs it. Such cases of obvious use include advancing on Misaki after he clearly rejected him, still advancing on the latter after receiving death threats from Usami, and not planning on any backups or alternate love interests whatsoever when the inevitable heartbreak came. Even better, every time those big, brave balls of steel activate, he's no longer Kyo Ijuuin-he's Kyo Ijuuin and that's just how awesome he is. No superhero identity needed; just be himself. Himself, as in the super-mangaka with big, brave balls of steel that hits on college kids, and it's not just him either.

In the world outside of Junjou, there're a lot of men and women like that. They aim for what they want, no matter what, especially in romance and work. Homosexual, straight, or bi, these guys exist everywhere. They probably scare the crap out of others, too. Guess what? They got great big, brave balls of steel, too (in women, it's grape seeds, for your information)! They had to go to the doctor and then under the knife, because they were so insecure and wimpy beyond normal. With bigger, braver balls of steel, they then think they could dominate the world, in two ways, based on perspective; some become just plain assholes, others become slight assholes, and therefore, great people, such as (but not limited to): CEOs, politicians, mangakas, world leaders, cross-country runners, and fan-fiction writers. In short, those people with big, brave balls of steel, they're just like everyone else, except they've got big, brave balls of steel, which comes with Alpha Powers.

Now you're probably thinking I'm weird, for such an absurd theory, or hate me for wasting, like five minutes of your life (aren't you already wasting your life by just being here?). Just so you know, I'm not the problem, you are. You're free to believe whatever you want. If you don't this theory, don't go screaming at me or hating yourself for it, because you don't believe it. As for me, I ain't believing in this shit either, 'cause it's actually big, brave, blocks of titanium. Peace out.


End file.
